band camp...

is already boring me.
i'm fighting through the sweat and aches to help my body and to strengthen myself.
but...
I already feel as left out as ever... and nothing's really happened.

what's wrong with me feeling this shitty?
why am I feeling this way?

I'm already regretting coming back.
I'm regretting everything.
And this is not how this summer is going to end.
Yeah, I hate how i go to bed with a bad/hurting shoulder...
i hate how my legs refuse to heal for me, despite the fact that I've done WAY worse work than what I put forth all year here.
i hate being so nervous to be with everyone... my so called family.

i miss the days where i knew everyone, could laugh, be myself.
I'm not myself around these people.
and i let everything seem so much worse than it all really is.

it sucks.
I hate who i am when I'm here...
and if this continues, this will be my last year.

after 7 straight years of marching...
im ready to take my life back.
im ready to try new things.
im ready to have that extra 2 hours for homework.
im ready to have a real, full summer.
im ready to move on.

im ready to go home.


and everyone... even myself... was right...
it only took one glance.