People are so Lame

I hate people who are ignorant..
or disrespectful.
It's one thing to think to yourself "gee, I wonder about that one".... or whatever vile comments run through people's minds these days.

But to blatantly ask outloud "are you a guy or a girl?"
that's a bunch of shit.
all those who go around asking stupid questions like this to others....
go hang yourself.


Moving along, as a personal note.... and I'm slightly hesitant to write this RIGHT below that up there......

but I am coming up on being single for 3 years..................
everyone I know, or mostly, is hooked up with someone, likes someone with mutual liking back, or something.....
no guy looks at me.
talks to me.
no one is interested.
it sickens me that most people are acting like the above people who should go die.
it figures.
maybe I should become a whore and just fuck it all.

but I can't.
I'm not dirty.
I'm not desperate.
I'm not easy.
I'm not a whore.
and sorry.... it takes more than "hello gorgeous" to lay me on my back.
just sayin'.

I actually give a damn about what I am and what I do.
I care.
unlike some of the losers I know here in Hickville.
it sucks.
The overwhelming crowd of dickheads, disrespectful never-should-have-existed morons, pimps, and thoughtless bastards are drowning out the calls I am waiting to receive from that of my true love........

everyone really needs to shut the fuck up.
I can't hear anything.

it's been so long

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eGRaPi-Fzg&watch_response

and YAY! I got a job! :)

happyyyy

Thanksgiving :D

Twilight and some updates

first off, Terry and I went to see the movie Twilight tonight.
it was amazing.
can't wait to see it again :P

just a sidenote, more for myself than anything.... but the downtown mall tonight gave me a weird feeling... when we walked out of the theater, it gave me such a feeling of..... mystery. Like there was something to discover in there or something. I don't even know. I just wish I had my camera to capture it all.

updates:
I am no longer going to major in astro-physics
or biotechnology.
I'm getting a liberal arts degree and becoming a writer.
4 books are already in process.
and children's books are in the thought process.
written and illustrating will be done by me.
oh yeah.

still single.
3 years on my birthday.
in march.
hmmmmmmmmmm.
I don't like it. I'm still dwelling in that which can no longer hurt me.
and it yet, it still is managing to hurt me.
no matter how easy I talk about it to anyone... I can hide it well from others
but it hurts a lot yet.


my friend made me a short minute long tune for me to write music to.
I LOVED the mix he made. It's amazing, and I can't wait to really make this into a real song.
i keep talking about writing songs, and nothing gets done.
its not that I've lied...
I just either get stuck writing a tune, forget the tune I thought of elsewhere, or have trouble writing lyrics.
but this new beat has given me a new kick.
im ready to make things come to life.

...

I wish my heart would make up it's mind.

:(

I don't think

I could be happier than I am right now.
Go Obama!

My breathing just got easier.

Same old...

... song and dance.
I need to create something new.

You know things are desperately wrong...

when you're fighting like I am.
So many problems.
Right now, my family and I have no money.
we are minus in the bank accounts and without work.
We can't pay our bills.
We can't go and buy gas tomorrow.
I'm stuck here in my room until gas can get into the cars.
I've got to be able to get a paycheck.
If I don't, I'm scared to know what will happen.

I am applying to 4 jobs at the moment, trying to get something in one of them.
I've got to get work somehow.
I've got to make money.

I'm so frightened.
I don't want to lose the house.
I don't want to lose the cars.
my life.
I'm so frightened for the sake of my parents.
and myself.
I feel myself slipping into dangerous thoughts more and more each day.
I'm so frightened for myself.

I keep thinking about the accident from 2006.
I'm so afraid of what will happen to me.
No one wants to help us.
We're going to keep trying, but who has $1800 for us to pay the mortgage?

I can't stop the tears from falling.
I try to hold strong.
but I can't.
It's so hard.
I can't do anything fast enough.

I'm only 19.
I want to be able to live through this into the future.

isn't there anyone out there who can help us?

test

Freedom

finally a night where I got all my work done.
and all I can think to do is read.
and think about him.

all these years of bouncing back and forth from whether I have some sort of feeling for him or not.
thats a yes for right now.
we'll see what happens.

perhaps someone finally cares for me. :)