I am sorry, dear blog, to have neglected you so this past month!
I was so busy with class and at the beach with my friends.... and really had nothing to input into your wonderful virtual pages....

the only thing on my mind is him...
I just wish I knew if I was on his.....

It's not hard to guess what this blog's about.
Michael Jackson.

I am saddened to hear of his passing, but I had to share some of these quotes people are writing on youtube and blogs all over:

"No one ever expects a King to die..."

"Who gives a damn about the bad things he did, or at least was accused of?? His music is known around the world as the music that literally wrote the history books and laid a foundation for music we listen to today. Forget the bad. Remember the King of Pop for what he should be remembered for."

"I'll be there... We weren't there... RIP"

And from me:

"I heard this [on the news June 26th]: "People are swarming onto online music stores to purchase Michael Jackson's Albums... People can't get enough." You know, it's really quite sad to see that only when someone dies does the world reopen it's eyes to someone like the King of Pop... why do people wait until after someone's gone to praise and show love for them?"

RIP

I have finally found a passion that I can see myself excelling in exponentially.
Sign Language.
So rare, so beautiful, so...
free.
I love it, and am going to plunge full speed ahead to become a certified interpreter.
EXCITEMENT!

Now, the theme that fits this blog:
falling.
I feel as if I'm falling into a territory I should have never plunged into in the first place.
Once so unthought of, I never thought twice about a friend of friends.
Always in agreement that nothing would ever develop.
nothing will ever change.

and yet, there it is, singing within my heart.
a whisper of a song singing deep within my soul.
a prayer of sorts wishing to come true.
a wanting, longing, burning feeling that never was welcome in the first place.

What trouble can I be in now?

When I get headaches like today's
I want to implode....

Not much to report except that sign language is going well and that I love it.
and that I don't think there is a soul on this planet who's looked at me since 07....

sad that I go back to that, but it's just what I've observed.
:/

"There's always possibilities"

Burned out.
That's how I feel.
So stretched over classes.
the stress of trying to find a job.
a better, more respectable job.
The pressure to finish my novels.
The pressure to never have "me" time.

so much.
it's all so much.

Kathleen was very, very wrong about you.
I thought there was something there...
but it turned out to be nothing more than a messed up signal.
Sadness fills my heart, yet I know...
I'll live.
I'll move on.
I'll find someone who really DOES feel something for this one, young person.

But I wish I could have had a chance...
don't blame me for thinking that.
don't be mad.
don't hate.
be glad someone out there actually cares...
for once.

It's hard loving someone who is never in the same place twice.
And yet...
It's harder to find a reason not to.
:)

deep

You know, my liking for you is like stargazing.

There are plenty of choices out there, but I only wish to think about one of them.

:]

Your crafty fingers grasp the finest part of my heartstrings.
My life goes on so that I can one day see your face again.
My anger stays bottled inside, changing my smiles into crooked, tear-soaked expressions.
Yet I have not the strength to fight back, to show you how hard my fists are.
You have this sickening grasp that chokes my heart.
Yet I love it.
I don’t want this grasp to disappear, yet the pressure in my veins heightens by the moments.
My eyes roll back as my life wavers on the edge of frustration and denial, yet I long for more.
The storm of your evil flirts with my storm of temptation.
My words make no sense, yet everyone understands.
It is only when they make sense that your walls deny the meanings.
The anger in me that longs to tell you how horribly distressed I get when you do this is screaming at my hands.
Punch something! Throw something! Do anything that will release me of this fury.
Yet I can’t.
I can’t hurt you.
I can’t scream to the heavens how hurt I get.
Yet the pressure builds, the tears extend, the longing in my suffocating heart grows deeper.
And it is only the beginning.
The beginning of the monster I have to tame.
I have to fight it, not you.
I have to fight the fact that no matter how deep the longing, how heavy the tears…


You will never see the love singing inside my crying heart.

Phew

Told someone how I feel...
let's see where this goes.
Could be good, could be bad. iunno.
good luck to me!