I suck at this now...

I'm rarely on here. Ever.
But it's not because I hate this.
It's because I'm always busy.

I hate change.

I never once denied my attraction to anyone I liked.
I never once let it grow.
But today, my heart is different, torn, sewn, and grown in so many different ways.
I want things to work between me and him, but first, I have to find out what's on his mind.
I have to know that I have a shot.
I have to believe, wish, hope, want a shot.
I have, I do, and will.

I want you to grow feelings for me.
I want a chance to be with you.

You are precious to me.
Your every move is an oscar nominee.
Your every word is a song I've heard a thousand times.
I want you to want me.

It's been 4 years since I've had any luck.
Can you find it in your heart to change it?

Satellite Heart

I've always loved that song since the moment I heard it.
of course, there are lines that pretty much sum up my current state of mind:


"Don't you think it's wrong, can't you get it right?
out of mind and out of sight...
you know i haven't slept in weeks, you're the only thing I see...
I'm a satellite heart, lost in the dark.
I'm spun out so far, you stop, I start..
but I'll be true to you."

Sigh.
'tis but a dream in which I decide to tred.
and all the while, tis only in my bed
that I do walk the paths of dreams
or nightmares are sometimes what it seems.

Done.

Why can't anyone see me for who I am
and not what my god damn face looks like?

one word in a picture

:/

I don't have a broken heart.
but it's most certainly cracked.
twice in one summer. What a way to end it.
i just want to go back to how it was.
even though he says we're still best friends,
i can't ignore the ache pulsing in my heart.
its never easy, accepting rejection.

i didn't think something so small would mean so much.
i underestimated how large this had grown.
and this is how i pay for it...

someone, give me strength.
help me find the one I'm meant to be with.
or find someone willing to give me the chance.
I've never asked for more than a chance...
what have I done wrong?

I am sorry, dear blog, to have neglected you so this past month!
I was so busy with class and at the beach with my friends.... and really had nothing to input into your wonderful virtual pages....

the only thing on my mind is him...
I just wish I knew if I was on his.....

It's not hard to guess what this blog's about.
Michael Jackson.

I am saddened to hear of his passing, but I had to share some of these quotes people are writing on youtube and blogs all over:

"No one ever expects a King to die..."

"Who gives a damn about the bad things he did, or at least was accused of?? His music is known around the world as the music that literally wrote the history books and laid a foundation for music we listen to today. Forget the bad. Remember the King of Pop for what he should be remembered for."

"I'll be there... We weren't there... RIP"

And from me:

"I heard this [on the news June 26th]: "People are swarming onto online music stores to purchase Michael Jackson's Albums... People can't get enough." You know, it's really quite sad to see that only when someone dies does the world reopen it's eyes to someone like the King of Pop... why do people wait until after someone's gone to praise and show love for them?"

RIP

I have finally found a passion that I can see myself excelling in exponentially.
Sign Language.
So rare, so beautiful, so...
free.
I love it, and am going to plunge full speed ahead to become a certified interpreter.
EXCITEMENT!

Now, the theme that fits this blog:
falling.
I feel as if I'm falling into a territory I should have never plunged into in the first place.
Once so unthought of, I never thought twice about a friend of friends.
Always in agreement that nothing would ever develop.
nothing will ever change.

and yet, there it is, singing within my heart.
a whisper of a song singing deep within my soul.
a prayer of sorts wishing to come true.
a wanting, longing, burning feeling that never was welcome in the first place.

What trouble can I be in now?

When I get headaches like today's
I want to implode....

Not much to report except that sign language is going well and that I love it.
and that I don't think there is a soul on this planet who's looked at me since 07....

sad that I go back to that, but it's just what I've observed.
:/

"There's always possibilities"