random

One day, all those who've put my family through hell will pay.
and it will be in Hell that they pay it.
because those bastards are assholes.
forreal.
I wish I could do something.
I wish I could do a lot.
But I'm only human.
and liable for my actions hahahaha



"I love you so much, it's retarded"

sadness

::Update::
Kathleen hurt her back and can't really move without pain, so she's in bed.
for a few days.
at least until friday the 23rd.


News flash:
i think some of my so-called friends are not friends..... not the people I hang out with now....
people I've met...
I try talking to them and just try showing support or whatever I can, and I don't get a hello back, a hey how's it goin'... nothing.
it makes me feel sad.
and in case you don't know who you are, let me clear it up for you.
you all live in NJ and I try and try to shower you with support and care.... and it's geniune, and i know we all have lives..... but would it hurt to say hello once in a while?
and it's not just one group of people..... there's a few.


why do all the theives and cheats and liars get away with things, and the good, honest people get screwed?
someone find that answer and get back to me.

I'm not sure what's going to happen

But I certainly hope I live through this.
there's not much more the three of us can take.

It's okay...

to be afraid.
I'm afraid, too.

I just have to remind myself that everything will be okay. Somehow.

New Years Resolutions?

sure, why not.

I have 3

1. Get a better paying job to help my parents with bills.
2. Find a great guy to love.
3. Finish at least one of my novels, making sure it is at least 200 pages long, on my Word, making it about 400 pages.

:)

People are so Lame

I hate people who are ignorant..
or disrespectful.
It's one thing to think to yourself "gee, I wonder about that one".... or whatever vile comments run through people's minds these days.

But to blatantly ask outloud "are you a guy or a girl?"
that's a bunch of shit.
all those who go around asking stupid questions like this to others....
go hang yourself.


Moving along, as a personal note.... and I'm slightly hesitant to write this RIGHT below that up there......

but I am coming up on being single for 3 years..................
everyone I know, or mostly, is hooked up with someone, likes someone with mutual liking back, or something.....
no guy looks at me.
talks to me.
no one is interested.
it sickens me that most people are acting like the above people who should go die.
it figures.
maybe I should become a whore and just fuck it all.

but I can't.
I'm not dirty.
I'm not desperate.
I'm not easy.
I'm not a whore.
and sorry.... it takes more than "hello gorgeous" to lay me on my back.
just sayin'.

I actually give a damn about what I am and what I do.
I care.
unlike some of the losers I know here in Hickville.
it sucks.
The overwhelming crowd of dickheads, disrespectful never-should-have-existed morons, pimps, and thoughtless bastards are drowning out the calls I am waiting to receive from that of my true love........

everyone really needs to shut the fuck up.
I can't hear anything.

it's been so long

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eGRaPi-Fzg&watch_response

and YAY! I got a job! :)

happyyyy

Thanksgiving :D

Twilight and some updates

first off, Terry and I went to see the movie Twilight tonight.
it was amazing.
can't wait to see it again :P

just a sidenote, more for myself than anything.... but the downtown mall tonight gave me a weird feeling... when we walked out of the theater, it gave me such a feeling of..... mystery. Like there was something to discover in there or something. I don't even know. I just wish I had my camera to capture it all.

updates:
I am no longer going to major in astro-physics
or biotechnology.
I'm getting a liberal arts degree and becoming a writer.
4 books are already in process.
and children's books are in the thought process.
written and illustrating will be done by me.
oh yeah.

still single.
3 years on my birthday.
in march.
hmmmmmmmmmm.
I don't like it. I'm still dwelling in that which can no longer hurt me.
and it yet, it still is managing to hurt me.
no matter how easy I talk about it to anyone... I can hide it well from others
but it hurts a lot yet.


my friend made me a short minute long tune for me to write music to.
I LOVED the mix he made. It's amazing, and I can't wait to really make this into a real song.
i keep talking about writing songs, and nothing gets done.
its not that I've lied...
I just either get stuck writing a tune, forget the tune I thought of elsewhere, or have trouble writing lyrics.
but this new beat has given me a new kick.
im ready to make things come to life.

...

I wish my heart would make up it's mind.

:(